Part 16-in which I get determined....

Bad News!

I had a meeting with my bank manager yesterday (how very grown up have I become?) and all was not good.
After talking about it to the girls on Friday night I decided that it might be a good idea to start getting my future in order and finding out where I stand with regard to buying Mark out of the house we bought together before we got married. I can't just sit around moping forever.

I love that house. It was never a starter home for us, although it was the first place we bought together. It sounds stupid now but I could really visualise us raising a family there, and putting the work in over the years to make it the type of cosy relaxed home I'd always wanted. Okay, so we'd hadn't done much more than paint a few rooms since moving in 5 years ago, but we had a plan and I always thought we'd get around to it one day...

The girls thought I might be better off to cut my losses and agree to sell up and split any money made between us. I could buy a little one bed apartment and start again. And I might be better off away from the memories-good and bad. But it's not what I want.
I've lost my husband, and it's as if the rug has been pulled from underneath me. I really don't want that to be a literal discription of my life.

But after yesterday it's looking like I may have no choice. My bank manager was pretty reluctant to lend me any more money. The only thing on my side is the fact that there just happens to be a recession going on right now and the bank would rather I double my mortgage and keep attempting to pay for the house than we try to sell it...and nobody buys it! Or worse still, we sell it at a loss! Who'd have thought that with all the bad luck I'm having at the moment, my saving grace would turn out to be worldwide economic meltdown?

Not that he said yes. Oh, no, he didn't. He basically told me my earnings are crap and not enough to persuade him to give me a break. But when I mentioned that there are some big money promotions coming up at work he perked up a bit (I admit, I was clutching at straws by this stage because I have about as much chance of getting one as I have of meeting Camilla Parker Bowles in HMV). The deal is this: If I can bag me a promotion before the end of next month the mortgage is mine...if not I'm out on my ear!

I'm not sure how to feel-on one side I want to keep the house-but on the other do I really want a promotion in a job I pretty much hate at the best of times? And even if I did, how do I go about getting me one? They say life is about choices don't they? Crap choices...sure!

Interviews for the promotion are starting next week. Before yesterday I hadn't even put myself forward, but this morning I marched up to Naughty Nigel's desk all full of determination (determination to ignore his slimyness) and placed my application right in front of him. To say he almost choked on his morning coffee would be an understatement! Today I'm keeping my head down and I'm trying my best to focus on work, work, work-which is why I'm logging off now, obviously!

Last week it looked like I might get the sack. I've only got a few days to turn things around. Wish me luck....