Part 12-in which I am forced to hear some home truths...

Poor Pamela!

She didn't show at work for the last two days, but she's arrived in this morning and I can tell by her face that she's feeling a lot like I did only a few weeks ago (not that I'm feeling any better today). Already the whole office is either all over her-offering their useless sympathies- or avoiding her like the plague and whispering in corners...'was it true'?...'will she take him back'?...'how could she not have known'?...Exactly what I don't want to happen to me.

I kind of feel like maybe I should go and talk to her, let her know she isn't the only one crap like this happens to, but I'm so terrified of blowing my cover that I just don't think I can. I'll leave it for now and see how the day goes. We're not that close, it might be awkward.

So anyway, speaking of awkward, I had dinner last night with Cass and I'm not sure how, but we sort of ended up having an arguament! I'm devastated because Cass is like my oldest friend and I really need her at the moment, but she said some stuff about Mark that really upset me, and I know she's probably just trying to show solidarity by being on my side, but it hurt me so much I snapped and chewed her face off for it!

When I thought about it afterwards I couldn't believe I did that! It's like I'm still defending him and sticking up for him even after everything he's done to me, though I can't think why. But when Cass told me he'd always been a user and that I had always been blind to his behaviour I had to confront her on it...didn't I?

Worse still, she said she never really thought he loved me! Er, why don't you stick a knife through my heart while you're at it sister? Or at least that I'd loved him more. But that's normal isn't it? For one partner to love the other more?
How could we have loved each other equally? Impossible! Just cos Cass thinks she has the perfect relationship with Dave she judges everyone else by the measure of it, which is obviously completely unfair.

She said Mark never did anything nice for me,-but it's not all about money is it? Then she said we never did stuff together (like her and Dave-see what I mean?) but that's just because we didn't like to smother each other-Mark liked his space...well, we both did...that's healthy, right?

Then she told me he had always taken advantage of me, letting me do all of the housework and never helping out! That's not true, sometimes Mark took the bins out for me! Besides, he was old-fashioned like that. He believed men and women had seperate roles and the mans was to earn the dosh while the womans was to 'keep' house (whatever that means). Except, I went out to work too, obviously, but that's modern life for you isn't it? I work because I want to.

She apologised for saying all that stuff but she told me she could hold back no longer. Now that the 'bastard' had dumped me for an 'even bigger eejit' (her words, I swear!) it was time for me to wake up and realise that I'm better off without him! Time to move on and stop moping, time to get myself a life.

I was crushed to find out what she really thought and I fought back because I felt defensive. I said some things about her and Dave that we both know weren't true (they truly are the perfect couple, even in anger I can see that) and we left seperately and not speaking. I feel terrible!

Perhaps she thought it might be a good way to help me to get over Mark, or maybe it really is what she thinks-in which case, why didn't she tell me this before I married him?
Am I right to be upset with her, after all Mark did cheat on me and maybe Cass has a point? I'm so confused right now I don't know where to turn. First I lost my husband, now my best friend! What the hell is happening to me?

Poor Pam probably thinks things can't get any worse...little does she know!